In case you missed it, all signs are pointing to the End Times, and the End Times will start with a world taken over by angry octopi* escaping captivity and placing us all in glass tanks, complete with octopus children slapping our enclosures and squealing for hours on end.
Except, the whole suction-cup thing is going to ruin the effectiveness of that strategy.
Seriously, the real news is out of Seattle, where one clever fellow painstakingly made his way up the side of a tank in an attempt to dash to freedom, before being unceremoniously stuffed back over the edge. Watch it here.
Of course, Fox News and others were quickly on hand to debunk the terror threat, noting that the octopus (cleverly but uncreatively named Ink) was merely exploring his new home. Right.
You could believe that except this also happened:
Yeah, they can use our technology. This cephalopod, fed up with being filmed without permission, grabs the tank-side camera and promptly films his captor instead.
It's the stuff of sci-fi horror movies, I tell you, COME TO LIFE. The above snippet is courtesy a Gawker post, appropriately titled Footsoldier in Octopus Uprising Liberates Camera from Human Oppressor
They can also do this. Make sure you watch all of these videos just before going to bed.
And then try to tell me they are not coming to get us.
*Your nerd info of the day: "Octopodes" is the linguistically correct plural of octopus. Octopus is Greek for "eight-footed," and creating a plural noun by adding the Latin "i" is considered a language offense of the highest order. Well, maybe not quite that bad. It's OK, however, to use "octopuses" as the English-language plural, according to some sources. For an exhaustive, and somewhat exhausting, dialog on the topic, check out this post at Grammarist.