If Drugs Are Cheaper Than Candy Bars, What The Fuck Is Our President On?

And where can I get some.

The drug counter, except the Turkish Taffy isn't allowed into the country anymore.

The drug counter, except the Turkish Taffy isn't allowed into the country anymore.

I am trying to get through a transcript from the Washington Post of President Trump's...press conference? asshole theater? cluster fuck? ...today and there is just not enough wine in the fucking world to help me make sense of it.

I think my eyes are bleeding.

Oh, did I mention there would be expletives? Because there fucking will be. An endless supply. I'll try to be creative, but fuck.

I mean, who needs crossword puzzles to stave off dementia when you can read the lunatic ravings of a certifiable batshit crazy individual and make a pathetic attempt to find context, at least, because you are never going to find a fucking thing that makes any sense at all, or that is remotely Presidential, or factual, or even plausible, or even...I dunno, normal? And I say that as someone who was raised with an enormous fucking range of what constituted normal.

"Drugs are becoming cheaper than candy bars." I am sure Trump has never purchased any of the usual complement of recreational drugs (unless Viagra is a recreational drug now? Maybe?). I am equally sure the man has not purchased his own candy in decades. And I am also reasonably certain that unless you are buying fair trade organic dark chocolate made by elves and packaged by virgins, your regular-grade meth costs more.

AND WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS EVEN MEAN. "We've begun preparing to repeal and replace Obamacare. Obamacare is a disaster, folks. It it's disaster. I know you can say, oh, Obamacare. I mean, they fill up our alleys with people that you wonder how they get there, but they are not the Republican people that our representatives are representing." Fill up our alleys with people that you wonder how they get there? I DO tend to wonder that about alleys filled with people but, seriously? WTF.

And we are all supposed to be Republicans now?

"Mike Flynn is a fine person, and I asked for his resignation. He respectfully gave it." "No, I fired him because of what he said to Mike Pence." At the SAME PRESS CONFERENCE OR FACSIMILE THEREOF WHICH IS IT YOU STUPID STUPIDHEAD THEY ARE VERY DIFFERENT THINGS OMG AND LYING TO PENCE IS THE LEAST OF IT.

Also, I will be abusing the shit out of ALL CAPS so forewarned is forearmed or something.

"Russia is fake news. Russia — this is fake news put out by the media. The real news is the fact that people, probably from the Obama administration because they're there, because we have our new people going in place, right now." I CAN"T EVEN...WHUT.

And this: 

"QUESTION: If I may follow up on some of the questions that have taken place so far here, sir —

TRUMP: Well, that's — well, you know, we do have other people. You do have other people, and your ratings aren't as good as some of the other people that are waiting.

QUESTION: It's pretty good right now, actually.

TRUMP: Okay, go ahead, John."


I'm sorry. I said I would be creative with the swearing, but what the actual fuck is going on here. 

And then "Well the leaks are real. You're the one that wrote about them and reported them, I mean the leaks are real. You know what they said, you saw it, and the leaks are absolutely real. The news is fake because so much of the news is fake."  Okay, so the leaks are real, because they are real and they are real because you reported on them but the news is fake. I NEED TO SMOKE MORE DOPE TO FIND ENLIGHTENMENT AND MEANING IN THESE WORDS. <I  said the news is fake so it must indeed be true, and the leaks are wrong and illegal and pay attention to the leaks except not Wikileaks when they are about Hillary and do NOT pay attention to the Putin behind the curtain, I mean OZ, I mean... I dunno what I mean my brain is small and I cannot pay attention this long and facts make me break out in a rash and my English is bad and I could not pass my own extreme vetting if I even knew what that was going to be> MAYBE DROPPING ACID WOULD BE GOOD. Do people still do that?

This is just a teeny tiny peepee bit of what was said by Our Fearless Leader today - and I DO apologize but you really need to read or watch this yourself because it is EPIC in its incomprehensibility and all-around WTF-ery.  

He cannot speak in complete sentences. He cannot answer simple questions. He is firm in his belief that whatever he says is true, simply because it comes out of his mouth - even when it is provably (easily! daily!) false. 

If he was your kid, he would be in timeout forever. If he was in any grade, K-12, he would be in the principal's office, daily, and failing almost all his classes. He would be the bully on the playground. He would be the kid you would not allow your kid to play with. He would kick your dog. His manipulation is transparent, and yet people fall for it.

He doesn't even fucking lie well. 

This dickhead is our President. 

And I need more candy.




Why You May Be Leaving My Social Media Feeds Soon

Ah, the joys of social media. I like it - mostly. My friends and relatives are both local and scattered, and Facebook - and to a lesser extent, Twitter - are handy ways to stay in touch.

I consider myself to be a very tolerant person. Except when you are ignorant, and then I draw the line.

Both friends and relatives are an diverse bunch in terms of age, interests, economic status, political and social stances. Among the more politically and socially conservative, face-to-face, we tend to agree to disagree after a few intelligent and civilized forays into the discourse. We move on to more immediate and directly impactful subjects - family, travel, music, food. On social media, the status updates also lean more toward family, travel, humor, and, of course, cats.

But occasionally, something happens out in the world that results in my removing someone from my newsfeed. I want to say at this point that I have rarely, if ever, "un-friended" or blocked someone. I simply edit my newsfeed in Facebook as I see fit (or mute on Twitter).

The first time I did this, it was regarding Facebook games. I got tired of wiggling around Facebook's manipulations that kept forcing me to see invitations and updates for games my friends were playing, even after I would "hide" those posts and their ilk. So, my "friends" that were playing Candy Crush all day, every day, to the apparent exclusion of all other activity - gone. Removed from my newsfeed. Rude, cruel - maybe. But life is short, people.

There were other instances. A few evangelical Christians found their way in, and then right back out of my feed. I have no problems with anyone thanking their gods and/or saviors for health, happiness, and a winning lottery ticket. But the preaching? No. Had a couple folks all up in arms about a woman being featured on our currency, because we haven't had a woman president, so how could a woman be allowed on a $10 bill?

Like, what do you even say to that? You don't. You curate those people right out of your social media feeds.

And now we have Paris. And Beirut. And Russia. And pick a spot, any spot, in the Middle East. I live in a state with a governor who seems to think he has the ability and the authority to restrict the movement of legal immigrants - who haven't even arrived yet - based on their country of origin and nothing else. And I have people in my social media feeds who think it's OK to repost dangerous, ignorant quotes, comments and memes from such pillars of society as Ted Nugent, or simply random conservative sites that I just know they haven't bothered to actually read. They are just reposting whatever stupid, reactionary, popular post of the day they have come across.

And that is ignorant. It ignores the reality that all three of the "major" religions are steeped in violence, and yet not every adherent of those religions acts on those religious "directives," nor are such actions encouraged by the mainstream clergy. It ignores the reality that the majority of people fleeing Syria and other repressive regimes are doing so to find safety and some measure of security and stability. It ignores the reality that there is nothing - nothing! - that will guarantee that a terrorist will not slip through the various security measures in place throughout the world, and ignite death and destruction here in the United States and elsewhere. It ignores the reality of history, which shows without doubt that terrorists are not a new thing, and are not exclusively "other" - other beliefs, other skin color, other country.

So, a few of you may be leaving my social media feeds very soon. And a few of you may be muttering about free speech. Yes, you can say almost anything you want, but you are not protected from the consequences, and I am not forced to agree or even listen - especially in my own space. Also, I suggest you check the language of the First Amendment. It's probably not what you think it is.

I consider myself to be a very tolerant person. Except when you are ignorant, and then I draw the line.


Chicken Blog: We Are Already Debating When We'll Eat Them

OK, I named them. Yes, I know I'm not supposed to.

Chicken butts. From left to right: Ethel, Mabel and/or Gladys, and Buffy Orpington.

Chicken butts. From left to right: Ethel, Mabel and/or Gladys, and Buffy Orpington.

So here is the rundown on my mini chick operation. They are inside now, in an old cat litter box, inside our old dog crate, because...cats. With just 4 chicks, they won't get the mass body heat that a flock of 25 might out in a farm coop, so seemed easier to set up inside with a heat lamp than worry whether the garage would be too cold while we wait for the Michigan edition of Mother Nature to work out what the weather is going to be in late March.

Around Easter, we will probably move them to the garage since they won't need to be quite as warm, and they'll have a little more size on them.

And about 3 weeks after that, once they have feathers, they can be outside in the coop (the construction of which will have its own blog post, of course, possibly several, and should be HIGHLY AMUSING AND PROFANITY-FILLED).

Eggs happen - hopefully - when they are 4-6 months old, so maybe July or August. And already the farm boy husband is saying we will be eating them when the cold weather comes and they stop laying. My position is that we will keep them over the winter and get a few years of eggs out of everyone before they head to the soup pot. Who will win? Stay tuned.